dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
