the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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