it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
