I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
