would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
