Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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