my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
my poor anus
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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