Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
