i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
