he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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