THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
