i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
