Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Who died my cat blue again?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize