you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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