If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
