I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
