Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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