this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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