I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
