she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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