Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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