her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
