we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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