Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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