i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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