1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
that is very illegal...i love you.
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