I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
