Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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