I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
