apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
