I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
