Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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