He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
