You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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