U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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