Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
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I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
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If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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