you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She told me I should be a condom model.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
