East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
