I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
