She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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