then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he shaved USA in his pubs
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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