We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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