I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
