tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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