just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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