i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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