Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
