Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
