you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
