How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
