Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I look better un-naked...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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