the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
