I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my sisters under your porch take her home
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
