Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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