That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
