I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
