dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
