Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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