I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
