Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize