We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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