if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Say something about gay babies.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
