I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
