shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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