Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
