I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Let's paint friendship bongs
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
