..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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