just come out here and I will go home with you...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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