DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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