took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
