I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
