You're my little dorito
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Randomize
