the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
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I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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