Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
