I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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