just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
