help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
